Wednesday, July 24, 2013

To My 16-Year-Old Self

Day 4 - List 10 Things You Would Tell Your 16-Year-Old Self

  1. Don't give up hope that you'll find help for you anxiety and depression.
  2. Stop watching so much T.V.
  3. PLEASE start painting and drawing again.
  4. Also PLEASE start reading again.
  5. Even if most days you don't feel like getting up, showering and putting on makeup might boost your mood.
  6. Pets are lovely things but honestly you don't need any more.
  7. Try your best not to get upset with the people who don't understand what you're going through. They just want to help.
  8. Thinking about your ex-boyfriend is a waste of time. Don't bother.
  9. Go outside and walk or even just sit. Too much time inside is unhealthy.
  10. You're beautiful, even though you don't think so most of the time.

Next post: What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

Blog 1 - 20 Facts (X)
Blog 2 - 3 Fears (X)
Blog 3 - Describe Your Relationship With Your Parents (X)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

My Relationship With My Parents

Day 3 - Describe You Relationship With Your Parents

When I was a toddler I feel as though I didn't have a good relationship with my parents, as I was always throwing tantrums and being mad at them. I am definitely glad I grew out of that! Even though I was quite an angry, tantrum throwing kid I spent most of my time with my dad. I was always wearing hats like him and 'helping' him work. As time passed and my mom was away from home keeping my sister company in the hospital I feel as though I grew much more attached to my mom, since she was gone a lot when I was young. With my anxiety and depression I feel as though my mother understands why I can't function properly, where as my dad, just doesn't quite seem to grasp it. I know my mom will always be there for me when I need her. I also know that she continues to seek a therapist for me that will help me learn skills to cope with my anxiety and depression. Even though I feel closer to my mom I still think I have a fairly good relationship with my dad (most of the time). I still occasionally help him work and enjoy spending time with him doing things that my mom doesn't. Dad isn't much of an open book with his emotions, but I understand. I think I inherited that from him. All in all though, I have a fairly good relationship with my parents. We have our rough spots, but all parents and their children do!

Love you mom and dad! <3

Next post - List 10 Things You Would Tell Your 16 year-old self, if you could

Blog 1 - 20 Facts (X)
Blog 2 - 3 Fears (X)

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

3 Fears

Describe 3 fears and explain how they became fears

This is an exceptionally hard blog post for me. I am scared of just about everything, so picking only 3 things is going to be challenging.

  1.  Snakes! I hate snakes! The way they move gives me the creeps! My mom also hates snakes and I think her hatred of them rubbed off on me. Or maybe it was because I kept stepping on them. I'm completely fine with snakes as long as they are in a cage or if I'm just looking at pictures of them. They are gorgeous animals, but I would never have one as a pet.
  2. I get really afraid of not being able to find a way to get past my anxiety and depression. If I can't get over them I will never make something of my life and growing up I always had big plans. This fear started when I had to drop out of high school because I couldn't keep up with my school work because I just didn't care whether I passed or not. It soon became clear to me that not any time soon would I be able to return to school.
  3. Since I have agoraphobia, I am TERRIFIED of leaving my house and being in public/open spaces. As stated in day one, there was a time when I hadn't left my house for three months. Often times I have terrible panic attacks when I go out. I have to take Xanax and sometimes that doesn't even calm me down enough. In school I had a rough time with classmates. I never really fit in. A lot of days I would fake being sick so I wouldn't have to go and face the other kids. One day I faked being sick and stayed home. I also did it the next day, and after that it escalated into me refusing to go at all. After dropping out of public school and starting online schooling, I never really had to leave my house, which I can only guess allowed my phobia to worsen. 

Blog 1 - 20 Facts (X)

Monday, July 1, 2013

20 Facts

My sister, Nikki, is apparently doing another 30 day challenge on her blog, so I decided why not do it too! I'll probably quit in a few days, but oh well!

Day 1 - List 20 random facts about you

1. My sister calls me Fishman due to a typo I made a year or so ago. Instead of saying 'I thought it was a man with a fish' I said, "I thought I was a man with a fish". Unfortunately the nickname Fishman stuck.

2. If I could have any job in the world I'd either be an actress or an alternative model.

3. I have generalized anxiety disorder, separation anxiety, agoraphobia, and major depression. I'm not entirely convinced that I don't have other disorders as well.

4. Growing up I never really had any friends and it used to bother me. Now I prefer the solitude.

5. I am currently saving my money so I'll be able to go to Ireland in 2-3 years.

6. One time I didn't leave my house for around 3 months.

7. I have a love hate relationship with snakes.

8. While it seems most girls/boys my age (17) want to have a relationship, I could care less.

9. I am truly fascinated by paranormal things. I am not sure if I believe in ghosts/demons etc. but I want to.

10. I wish I had the power to change the world I live in. I love the idea of living in a world like Supernatural. For those of you who don't know Supernatural is a tv show.

11. If I'm not the best at something I enjoy doing, I feel as though I'm terrible at it. Even if people tell me otherwise.

12. I spend a lot of time indoors, but my favorite place to be is outside exploring new places.

13. Some people consider me dying my hair colors such as blue or red as crazy, but I'd like to take it a step further and shave half my head or have dreadlocks.

14. I only have my ears pierced, but there are 7 other piercings I want.

15. I want to cover nearly my whole body in tattoos.

16. I like to consider myself a closed book, but in reality, I'd spill my heart out to anyone willing to listen.

17. I would like to learn how to be a taxidermist.

18. One day I might have pointed ears and fangs.

19. Watching fish swim is very relaxing to me.

20. I would love to partake in some extreme sports, like skydiving, bungee jumping etc