Monday, December 31, 2012

A Few Steps in the Right Direction

I'm sure this whole I can do it attitude, take care of life thing will probably wear off soon, but oh well. I've decided today that I'm gonna do some things I've been neglecting to do..



Step two and so on:
Eat something
Take a small walk
Once my mom gets home spend an hour or a little more upstairs actually talking

The rest of the day doesn't matter.

Doesn't seem to hard huh? We'll see...

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Why Am I Not Good Enough For You?

I've been giving a lot of thought as to why I'm not good enough for others lately. Why am I always a friend, not a best friend? Why am I second best to others? Why am I there for everyone, and why is no one there for me?

I have maybe, one person I would consider my best friend.. but we aren't as close anymore. Lately I've been wondering if this friendship is dying very slowly. I feel like I can see it happening and I don't know what to do to stop it. I need him. I don't have anyone left...
There's someone else that is nice and we talk, but I feel like it's just small talk. I really don't know much about him, and considering as many times as we've talked you think I would, don't you? I'm not sure if I put up some wall that neither of us can get past, or maybe we just aren't meant to be close friends. Maybe I've simply forgotten how to connect to people.
Can one forget how to do something that comes so naturally? Can one re-learn how to do these things that we learn when we're young? Have I become something less than human, because I can no longer do the things everyone can? Can I ever fix this mess my life has become?

I can't take this loneliness anymore. I can't always be with the one who hates me most. I can't only be with me. I am simply my own worst enemy and it's tearing me apart.